#cleverbullymovie – The Bully Project

Thanks to The Bully Project for sponsoring my writing. Visit their website to join the movement and learn more.
Bullying is a very personal subject to me on a number of levels. Why? Because I was bullied. Because at some point my youngest son may be bullied. And because my other son has already been targeted because of who his younger brother is. Why? Because we’re different. Let me explain.

That’s my high school graduation picture, taken in 1982. I was very young when I started high school. Like 11 years old young. My Mom sent me to a Catholic high school. By the time I started school there in ninth grade almost all of the other kids had been in school together for years. Their cliques were formed. They were the haves, and I was the have not. They were the cool kids, I was not. In a school of hundreds I had very few people I could call a friend, there may have had one half dozen people that would even associate with me. I was a young looking girl that didn’t fit in anywhere. I was lonely and hated going to school. I was never physically attacked, but I was picked on for almost four years. Noone wanted to sit with me at lunch. I was teased mercilessly because I looked young, by the “jocks” and “mean girls”. I was called names, things like ugly and homely. I was shunned, never included in anything. I made the mistake of sending a cute boy a flower once, he ate it in front of me during study hall. Towards the end of high school a large enough number of the other students thought it would be funny to nominate me for Homecoming Queen. How humiliating it was, not only to be nominated in that way, but then for the school administration to announce that it was a mistake and do nothing about it. That was one of the only times, if not THE only time, that my Mom let me stay home a day from school when I wasn’t actually sick. I was so happy on that day in 1982 that I graduated high school. Not because I was graduating (at age 15 no less), but instead because I was thrilled and relieved that I’d never have to step foot in that school again. It’s been almost thirty years since I’ve been in the building. I still get knots in my stomach when I pass by.
Something else that twists up my insides and breaks my heart is when I hear people misuse the word retard. My youngest son, now twelve, has Down syndrome. I take the R word very seriously and very personally. I hear the things children say about children like my son and they disgust me. I hear the remarks about the short bus, and I’m not laughing. And that’s just the kids. There are adults that are no better. They too poke fun at people who are different. And worst of all, they ignore the problem and let it continue. You can see this first hand in any store, when a young child makes fun of a child nearby, perhaps my son, and the parent tells them to whisper. Really? Don’t tell them to whisper, tell them what they’re doing is wrong and address the problem! No child should feel lonely and alone, every child deserves respect. There’s no reason for children to be bullying other children. It’s a lonely life to be a child with no friends. I see the look on my son’s face when other kids are playing outside. They’ve got each other and he’s got his cat Jules. This is my son and Jules taken about a week ago, my son was very upset and hugged and sobbed to the cat. It’s beautiful and sad all at once. When we thought the cat was lost yesterday we were all devastated, as that cat is his best friend.



I think my son is beautiful. He doesn’t deserve to be shunned or ridiculed. No child deserves it.
You didn’t hear much about stuff like this when I was young. When I mentioned it to adults they dismissed me as being too sensitive. What I went through back in the 80s is nothing compared to what kids go through now. Bullying is growing into an epidemic. Children are so distraught that they they are bullied and mistreated that they are taking their own lives. One of my sixteen year old son’s friends took his own life earlier this month, feeling that he had noone to talk to and understand. I don’t know that the boy was bullied, but it is obvious that he was very upset and alone. Bullied children feel that way when they’re in school. I know this, because it’s how I felt. When my oldest was in eighth grade he told me that other kids avoided a boy who was in a wheelchair and made fun of him, and that he was one of the boy’s only friends. That is just sad! And wait, there’s more! There have actually been been instances where my oldest caught grief for his younger brother having Down syndrome. Bullying by association? Really!
There are many parents that deny that bullying is a problem. These are often the parents that can be found saying “oh, not my child”. Wake up people! If a child is an ignorant bully and you’re not addressing the problem then you are encouraging it to continue. Parents need to teach their children to be open-minded, and to respect others as well as their individuality and differences. At the end of the day we are all people, so let’s treat each other like people.
There’s a documentary film about the growing problem of bullying in select theaters across the nation right now. It’s called Bully.

This year, over 13 million American kids will be bullied, making it the most common form of violence young people in the U.S. experience. Clever Girls is proud to support Bully, a film directed by Sundance- and Emmy-award winning filmmaker, Lee Hirsch. Bully is a beautifully cinematic, character-driven documentary—at its heart are those with the most at stake and whose stories each represent a different facet of this bullying crisis.
Following five kids and families over the course of a school year, the film confronts bullying’s most tragic outcomes, including the stories of two families who’ve lost children to suicide and a mother who waits to learn the fate of her 14 –year-old daughter, incarcerated after bringing a gun on her school bus. With rare access to the Sioux City Community School District, the film also gives an intimate glimpse into school busses, classrooms, cafeterias and even principles offices, offering insight into the often-cruel world of children, as teachers, administrators and parents struggle to find answers.

Here’s the trailer.

I have watched this trailer a number of times and still tear up and/or cry each time. Let’s encourage our children to do exactly what is stated in the trailer above. “Be the difference. Go out and find that one child, that new kid standing over there by himself, and be willing to stand up for him.” I’ve said it regarding not using the R word and I’ll say it again – one person can make a difference. Be the difference, and let’s teach our children to be the difference.
Learn more at www.thebullyproject.com.
I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences with bullying, please feel free to join in conversation by leaving a comment.
I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. Find showings in your area for The Bully Project and buy tickets here.