Talk Dirty To Me 3 – What If You Ran Out Of TP In A Public Restroom? #LetsTalkBums

I am a brand ambassador for Cottonelle. Please note that any personal opinions reflected in this post are my own and have not been influenced by the sponsor in any way.

Warning. This is one of those posts where I’m going to just let it all hang out. Well, mostly all of it. Just thought I should give you a heads up about that.
We’ve all had it happen. We rush to the bathroom to do our business, realizing too late that there is no toilet paper. It happens. If you’re home and others are around, you can ask someone to get you some toilet paper. If noone else is home, you can do the bathroom shuffle and get it yourself. These things are not the end of the world. I’ll tell you what is pretty close to the end of the world though. Public percolating without benefit of paper or public.
You’re thinking – what is public percolating without benefit of paper? I’ll tell you. Percolating is what my very dear friend Sue calls those gurgling, percolating noises that when your stomach makes before you have diarreah. So imagine having that going on out in public. As soon as your stomach starts making the noises you’re surprised, and then you realize that you need to be somewhere else in a hurry. The nearest bathroom is ideal. I did a lot of percolating when I was my heaviest.
Percolating in public is risky business. That’s because, at least for me, percolating only lasts about five minutes, and then whatever is causing the problem makes its way out in a hurry. You can’t percolate in a public bathroom and hide what’s going on. All you can do is just finish your business and go on your way, worst case some people look at you judgmentally as you leave the restroom. But what if there is no toilet paper after you percolate?
Well, if you’ve percolated (or even just done regular business) in a public bathroom and find yourself with no paper, you can ask someone else to hand you some. If there’s someone around. But what happens if noone else is around to ask to get you paper? Well, a girl does what a girls gotta do. In my case, there was one instance where I waited ten minutes and noone came into the restrooms. There was no toilet paper. There were no seat covers. I didn’t have my kids yet, so I wasn’t carrying baby wipes. I didn’t even have a maxi pad. So I drip dried as best as possible, flung the stall door open and shuffled quickly into the next stall. Whew! Safe! Well, except for the fact that that stall didn’t have paper either. Waited a few more minutes, hovering over the bowl in the shuffle position, flung the second stall door open and shuffled to the third and final stall, a wheelchair accessible stall. Out! There was no paper in that stall either. Still noone came into the restrooms. How it is that noone came into a department store restroom for like 15 minutes is still beyond me. I had things I had to do and somewhere to be and I needed to find a solution.
I mentioned I was in a wheelchair accessible stall, remember? Well, it had a sink as those stalls often do. I backed up to the sink and washed up by hand. Still without toilet paper, I was left with no choice but to use seat covers. I wanted to cry, they hurt so bad. Not only did my butt hurt, but I felt so disgusting because the seat covers just didn’t do a good job cleaning.
I would have probably cut off an arm to be able to use Cottonelle’s Clean Care routine with the Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths that day. While I do love my Cottonelle, there are occasional times when I just need to feel cleaner and a shower isn’t an option. If you haven’t tried them yet are aren’t familiar with them, check out Cherry Healey’s short (and funny) video about them.

Let’s talk bums!

What would you do if you were in a public bathroom and there was no toilet paper?

Want to know what other people have to say about cleaning their bums? Go to the Cottonelle Facebook page or tweet @Cottonelle with the hashtag #LetsTalkBums and talk it out!