My fifteen year old is on Facebook. I am his friend on there but I almost never post on his wall. Why? When he and I first set up his Facebook I promised him I would try to respect his “space” by not posting. Because after all, what teen and their friends will write openly if they think someone’s mommy is always looking. Don’t get me wrong. I check his page often. He can be very free with his words (and not always positive) and doesn’t hold much back. If something bothers me I walk into his room and discuss it with him.
I’m curious if and/or how those of you with teens interact with them on Facebook. Do you feel they’re open? Are you comfortable with what they post there? I’d love to hear from you.
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Raising my hand – three teen girls here! Thank you for feeling my pain. My three are 19, 17 and 15. I am friends with a lot of their facebook friends and I’m pretty much everyone’s mom who walks in my door. I do comment on their pages but not all the time. Right now, I’m still their hero so if I have something to say, on their Facebook page, it’s usually funny. There have been plenty of times I’ve gone in their room and said “take that picture down, NOW!” Or “that wasn’t very nice to say, you should delete your comment or apologize.” I have their passwords, except my oldest daughter who is at college. I go online and check their pages constantly and sometimes just open their facebook and sit there a while. It doesn’t take long before someone starts chatting. I know what you’re going to say about their privacy and all that but one time I did that, I found a grown man trying to talk up and meet up with my daughter who was then 14. So yeah, I understand about the privacy thing, but you can bet your butt this is one mom who will continue to check their facebook. We are living in a different time now. It’s up to me to show them how to communicate effectively online because how else are they going to learn?
I advocate face to face communication as much as possible. Body language, tone and words tell so much more than just words alone. The phone, snail mail, email, and things like Facebook fill in the gaps that time and distance cause. I do not believe in censorship; however, I do believe that laws were created with designations. Presently 18 is legal age. Until then it is the adult caretaker parental responsibility to be sure that things are right. Parents are supposed to be guideposts not friends. That comes later. I always told my kids what I thought and tried to follow through–something not always liked or popular with my own kids then and still. Perceptions differ.
I handle it the same way you do respect their space and watch from the sidelines and discuss what I don’t feel comfortable about…What I don’t allow either of my teenagers is the Facebook chat it has to remain off and their cell phone number has to remain off Facebook. Good topic I hope to find out how others handle it also.