Are you one of those people that absolutely must have the latest and greatest in tech? Most of the time I’m not. I do love tech and do look forward to checking out new things, but generally wait a little while to be sure bugs are worked out. And for the price to get a little lower. Here’s a cute post from Lila that I’m sharing with permission, it’s a little tongue in cheek humor about having to have the newest tech.
Do You Have To Have the Latest Hardware?
How long did you have the Nexus P before it started to feel slow and old? Did you get to enjoy it for a month? Or were you longing for the next iteration even as you were taking it through its unboxing paces?
Even before the iPhone 6s hit the streets, we were getting news about the iPhone 8. Well placed sources are saying that the iPhone will get an OLED screen in 2018. It used to be that we would allow our anticipation to leap ahead by one year. Now, it’s two. We are already bored by the wonders that might come to pass a year from now.
So it goes without saying that you are going to be first in line to get what’s next, whatever that may be. Here’s a peek into the looking glass. The information you are about to read is completely fabricated. It’s also truer than true, and highly confidential. Verify your age and mental stability. We claim no responsibility for blown minds.
iPhone 7 – 10
There are three things we know about the iPhone 7. It will arrive this fall with features that you never dreamed were possible. It will be more expensive than your last car. And it will bend and shatter if you look at it funny. Don’t look at it funny!
Even now, one of the world’s leading manufacturers of protective cases is advertising iPhone 7 cases. The fact that we don’t have official (or even unofficial) specs of the size, shape, or general appearance of the device makes no difference. It is listed as Coming Soon with a price of $0.
This company knows that it is not what technological wonders Apple brings to the table that matter. It’s how many pieces it is in when it’s brought to the floor. So budget enough money for a family-sized sedan. And leave a little in the piggy bank for the protective case that you know you’re going to need.
Further information from unsourced sources familiar with the matter is that when you purchase the iPhone 7 from an Apple Store with the new finance plan they introduced last year, you will be able to preorder the iPhones 8, 9, and 10 sight unseen for a nonrefundable $1,000 deposit. Take that, Tesla!
The Microsoft Surface Phone, Undead Edition
In failed presidential campaigns past, Jesse Jackson was known for the mantra, “Keep hope alive!” For the last few years, that has also been the mantra of the Windows Phone fans who have been waiting for the killer Surface Phone, refusing to acknowledge that Windows Phone is dead.
This fall, their dreams are about to be realized. Forget about all the great Microsoft Christmas stocking stuffers from the past. This year’s killer phone from Microsoft will actually be a KILLER phone. Microsoft will introduce the Surface Phone, Undead Edition. All competitor smartphones will simply drop dead when in proximity to the Surface Phone.
Their SoC brains will be drained of life beyond repair. In any given room, the Surface Phone will be the only one that works. Unfortunately, it still won’t have an official Snapchat client.
The Nexus P-U
Google is not known for huge leaps in hardware innovation. This year will be no exception. The Nexus P will get a slight upgrade in size from 6” to 12”. Also, it will add a letter to its name. It will be called the Nexus P-U. That is because it will incorporate a new kind of face peripheral that fits on your nose like a clown nose piece.
The new feature enabled will be Smell-O-Vision. It will be especially tuned to transmit the odors of the unwashed armpits and dirty socks indicative of the kind of people who would buy and wear this product in public. Someone highly-place within the Googolplex had this to say:
Do we need a reason? It just seems like the next evolution in tech. Our partners will be able to leverage this technology to further differentiate from the hundreds of white box labels that have taken over the Android brand.
The SoV feature will require the latest Android OS, which will likely only be run by one-tenth of 1% of all Android users.
Whatever the future brings, you might want to get in line for it right now.
Some posts on this site contain an affiliate link. Affiliate links are used in an attempt to offset the operational costs incurred by running this website. Clicking on an affiliate link does not increase the cost of the product if you buy it. It does mean that I MAY make a commission if you purchase the item. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
I’m laughing because I had, and was happy to have (depsite the constant ridiculing from my kids) a flip phone that was pay-by-minute. My teen daughter got an iPhone from a family member years ago as a gift, and that gets updated each time a new one comes out, and my two grown boys keep pretty current on their Galaxy’s too (they have different versions from each other but both love the brand). I have a smart phone now, but I hightly doubt I’ll rush out to get a new one anytime soon. When this one doesn’t work right anymore, I’ll consider an upgrade. 😉
Cell phones are like toys that children soon tire of looking for a better one that they soon tire of and on and on–costly and not always really necessary.
i love technology and love phones. It doesn’t have to be the latest and greatest but i just love playing with new ones and seeing how they work.